Seeing it from the other side
We often hear from ex-service people about their time in the military, their transition out and some of the challenges they may have encountered along the way.
But we must not forget about the often-untold stories of their families.
It’s hard to believe that just a few years ago army veteran Joel Sardi was learning to live his life as a quadriplegic.
His girlfriend, now wife, Elisa, remained by his side through it all.
Thanks to their determination and incredible support networks, which included RSL Victoria, the pair thrived as individuals and as a couple. Fast forward a few years, with many trials and tribulations along the way, they are the proud, doting parents of Esme and Luna.
Early in their relationship Elisa remembers Joel’s keenness to enlist in the Australian Defence Force (ADF).
“I was young, we were young. I had no idea where this relationship was going to end up and I thought it was going to be a good thing for him to do and a good experience,” Elisa said.
I didn’t know much about the Army or the Defence Force, I had no idea. I mean, I did know that it would probably mean we would be apart, that he’d end up living interstate and I guess at that stage, I was fine with that.
ELISA SARDI
As expected, Joel was posted to Adelaide and their long-distance relationship began.
A couple of years in, Joel’s dream came true, deploying to Afghanistan at 21 years of age.
In the meantime, Elisa was pursuing nursing studies in Melbourne and continued as the supportive and encouraging girlfriend.
“I just thought, ‘do it, go, I’m here, I’ll support you and we’ll see what happens when you get back.’”
Eight months later Joel returned to Adelaide. The pair who were in their early 20s, were unsure what was next for their relationship and were weighing up their options, when fate had it all worked out for them.
“There have been so many times throughout these last few years where things just happen when we weren’t really sure what was next,” Elisa said.
On Saturday night 31st August 2014 while on a break from military duties in Adelaide, Joel had an accident. He fell three metres onto his back, resulting in irreparable spinal cord damage that made him a quadriplegic.
“I can’t remember who, but someone called me, maybe it was Joel’s mum, and said things aren’t good, you better come up. So, I got on the next flight the next morning.”
But it wasn’t all so straightforward. The ADF officially recognises three types of relationship: marriage, a registered relationship or a de facto relationship. None of which applied to her and Joel’s relationship.
“The Army was helping and doing a lot for him, but I was not recognised in any of that. His parents were flown over, given accommodation and everything and when it was asked ‘what about Elisa?’ it was like ‘well…do you live together? Are you married? Do you have kids?’”
With fears she might slip through the cracks while also struggling to come to terms with Joel’s prognosis and the overall heightened emotions, Elisa drew strength from family.
My family have always been incredible, always, but during all of this they have always been there for me. My mum, my dad, my brother, my aunties, uncles, grandparents, cousins. Everyone. Everyone has just been amazing. All of Joel’s family. If it wasn’t for all of them, there’s no way I could have gotten through it all. When others didn’t step up, they were there.
ELISA SARDI
But the pair knew they would need far more than just emotional support. The big question was what the support would look like and where would it come from.
“The guys from Greensborough RSL just read something [in the newspaper] and just called. They came and spoke to Joel’s mum, they called me, and they said what can we do, what do you need? They’ve been there right from the beginning, always have been, still are. They still check on us and ask what we need and now for our family. They are the reason our life headed in this direction.”
Money raised from RSL Victoria’s two annual Appeals – the ANZAC and Poppy Appeals – means the RSL can support veterans and their families.
Unable to qualify for financial support from the Department of Veterans’ Affairs (DVA), Greensborough RSL Sub-Branch, together with RSL Victoria and several other Sub-Branches jumped in to provide financial support.
They paid for most of the accessibility renovations to Joel’s family home, which allowed him to move in as a wheelchair user and have quality of life.
The RSL in Victoria also covered most of the expenses for Joel and Elisa to travel to a specialised rehabilitation clinic in America.
“They [the RSL] are like family, extended family,” said Elisa.
You can listen to more from Joel and Elisa on RSL Victoria’s Beyond the Barracks podcast.
Click here to read more about Joel’s story.
Please consider donating to the Poppy Appeal either in person or online at poppyappeal.com.au.
